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                      新編英語教程第六冊unit09_2_Speaking_Different_Languages

                      1 When Martians and Venusians first got together, they encountered many of the problems with relationships we have today. Because they recognized that they were different, they were able to solve these problems. One of the secrets of their success was good communication.

                      2 Ironically, they communicated well because they spoke different languages. When they had problems, they would just go to a translator for assistance. Everyone knew that people from Mars and people from Venus spoke different languages, so when there was a conflict they didn’t start judging2 or fighting but instead pulled out their phrase dictionaries to understand each other more fully. If that didn’t work3 they went to a translator for help.

                      3 You see4, the Martian and Venusian languages had the same words but different meanings depending on the way they were used. Their expressions were similar, but they had different connotations or emotional emphasis. Misinterpreting each other was very easy. So when communication problems emerged, they assumed it was just one of those expected misunderstandings and that with a little assistance they would surely understand each other. They experienced a trust and acceptance that we rarely experience today.

                      4 Even today we still need translators. Men and women seldom mean the same things even when they use the same words. For example, when a woman says, “I feel like you never listen,” she does not expect the word “never” to be taken literally5. Using the word “never” is just a way of expressing the frustration she is feeling at the moment. It is not to be taken as if it were factual information.

                      5 To fully express their feelings, women would tend to exaggerate the facts a little bit for effect and use various superlatives, metaphors, and generalizations. Men mistakenly take these expressions literally. Because they misunderstand the intended meaning6, they commonly react in an unsupportive manner. The following chart lists ten female complaints that men easily misinterpreted, as well as how men might respond unsupportively.

                      Ten Common Complaints That Are Easily Misinterpreted

                      Women say things like this: Men respond like this:

                      “We never go out.” “That’s not true. We went out last week.”

                      “Everyone ignores me.” “I’m sure some people notice you.”

                      “I am so tired, I can’t do anything.” “If you don’t like your job, then quit.”

                      “I want to forget7 everything.” “I don't think there's anything to forget7.”

                      “The house is always a mess.” “It’s not always a mess.”

                      “No one listens to me anymore.” “But I’m listening to you right now.”

                      “Nothing is working.” “Are you saying it is my fault?”

                      “You don’t love me anymore.” “Of course I do. That’s why I’m here.”

                      “We are always in a hurry.” “We are not. Friday we were relaxed.”

                      “I want more romance8.” “Are you saying I am not romantic?”

                      6 You can see how a “literal” translation of a woman’s words could easily mislead a man who is used to using speech as a means9 of conveying only facts and information. You can also see how a man’s responses might lead to an argument. Unclear and unloving communication is the biggest problem in relationships. The number one complaint women have in relationships is: “I don’t feel heard.10”

                      7 Even this complaint is misunderstood and misinterpreted!

                      8 A man’s literal translation of “I don’t feel heard” leads him to take the woman’s complaint lightly. He thinks he has heard her if he can repeat what she has said. A correct translation11 of a woman saying “I don’t feel heard” is: “I feel as though you don’t fully understand what I really mean to say or care about how I feel. Would you show me that you are interested in what I have to say?”

                      9 If a man really understood her complaint, then he would argue less and be able to respond more positively. When men and women are on the verge of arguing, they generally misunderstand each other. At such times, it is important to rethink or translate11 what they have heard. (660 words)
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